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SO YOU WANNA WRITE ON WALLS

from The Bomb Hip-Hop Magazine #47 (June/July 1996)

I found the following article in On The Go Graffiti Media. Here it is reprinted again, by permission. Hope you enjoy it. - Bomb

I found the following transcript at The Graffiti Writers Local 132 Union Hall. At first, it's size and format made me think it was a religious tract. Upon closer inspection I realized it`s purpose was to instruct on another level. I submit it to you without any edits, so read carefully, you saps.

There are a few things you must do before in order to make your presence a welcome one.

First; know the history.

Second; Know the rules of the game.

Third; Work hard at being good, or ar least competent.

Fourth; Snitches, and shit talkers get stitches and need walkers.

Fifth; You're good, but you're not that good. Keep your fat head to a reasonable swell and get back to work. These are the five fingers of your left hand. Study them well. Soon, you'll be able to get a grip on your self esteem and we'll all be better for it.

FIRST: HISTORY
Cavemen did it, so did Romans and Egyptians. The Incas did it, so did Greeks and Native Americans. There was graffiti on the New York subway a year after it was built. There's graffiti on the moon. If graffiti is vandalism, and vandalism is graffiti, then man has left his mark with garbage at the farthest reaches of the universe. So you with your pathetic desire to be remembered are in good company. I could spend a ream of paper telling you about the development of modern graffiti, but we`ve got other ground to cover. It's important that you know it, so ask your local expert (or DJ Deadly Budda in Pittsburg if you don't have one) and he'll tell you his version.

SECOND: THE RULES
1 You suck until further notice
2 It`s gonna take a long time before we even acknowledge your existence, even longer before we can bear to look at that foul scribble you call your name. To speed the process of acceptance you
can
(A) Choose a clever name that defies the norm of simpleminded slang. An example of a good name is "ARGUE." It looks good when written, sounds cool when spoken, and conveys a combative attitude. On the other hand, "ENEMA" (actual name) looks, sounds, and conveys
a shitty attitude. BE CHOOSY.
(B) Use paint, gain knowledge of nozzles, be bold, learn a style of writing for every occassion, fuck permission walls, write your name bigger everytime you go out, don't use stickers, and resist the urge to write in dirt.
3 Jealousy is a disease for the weak.
4 Your heart is your greatest posession, don't let it get taken from you.
5 Don't write on houses of worship, people's houses in general, other writers names and tombstones. Writing on memorial walls and cars is death.
These are the five fingers of your right hand. Study them well. Give soul claps, firm handshakes, and throw smooth bolo punches.

THIRD: DEVELOPING STYLE
Although being a toy seems undesirable, you should enjoy it while you can. At this stage you can bite all you want with no remorse. All your elders will say is "Aw isn`t that sweet, kootchie kootchie koo." So steal that dope connection, rob that color scheme, and loot whole letter forms. Don`t worry about giving any credit, we'll pat ourselves on the back and brag how we're influencing the next generation. However style isn`t a crutch or a schtick. It is understanding why the connection you bit flows, or why the color scheme you boosted bumps. Style is the process to an appealling end. Once you got it down to a science you can reinvent letterforms to suit yourself. This growth will amaze old and yound alike.Pretty soon someone will steal your secret sauce and the cycle will be renewed. If this happens to you, don't bitch about getting your due. Graffiti is the language of the ignored. If your style is stolen, someone heard you speaking. You got what you wanted from the beginning, some attention, you big baby.

FOURTH: THE LAW
It must be noted that the vandal squad loves graffiti. Their job requires them to fiend for graff as much as you do. When you wreck enough walls, they`ll want to meet you. Just like jock swingers, they`ll recite every spot you hit, the difference being you'll also hear the Miranda warning. To postpone this, solo as much as possible. Don`t write with anybody that wouldn't fight for you. Don't be paranoid. If you avoid writing on pristine properties, you'll stay in misdemeanor territory and you won't divert the cop`s attention from catching and beating speeding motorists. (Consult local laws to be sure) Remember, if they didn't see you do it, it is almost impossible for them to win a conviction without your own damning testimony. Shut up, Shut Up, SHUT UP! Giving a cop info on another writer will doom you to a life of ridicule, from cops and kids alike, with no parole.

FIFTH: EGO TRIPPIN'
There`s nothing wrong with knowing you're the shit as long as you are. But once you reach that conclusion you`re on the verge of falling off. Don`t look down, fathead, that swollen ego will trip you over the edge. T-Kid is writer who's been creating dope murals for 20 years, and he keeps getting better. Your posing and fronting looks retarded next to the likes of him. Get back to work you tired slouch.

In conclusion, graffiti is free, impresses chicks, appears heroic to anybody who leads a dull life, will provide you with a million stories to tell your dull friends, is immortal, larger than life, and a sure cure to the inner city blues. So get going, fame awaits the fly among you - Mark Surface


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